Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
