Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
