Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
