I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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