Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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