Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
