Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
