I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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