I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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