My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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