He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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