you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
