he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
there is glitter all over my balls
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
