Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
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