batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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