This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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