The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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