lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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