Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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