Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she peed on how many people?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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