fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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