Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
