So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
