we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
