I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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