But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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