the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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