every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
