Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
