i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
