He disabled his match.com account in front of me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
