I'm lost and stupid without you.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I looked at my own cervix.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
