i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
