After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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