The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
