i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
