Sry I called you an 8
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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