I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
