mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
