I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he thought i was a dude.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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