tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
what day is it and did you see me today?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
