He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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