Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
