You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
