I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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