All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
