your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
