We named our party play list daddy issues
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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