I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
