I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
