There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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