i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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