I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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