I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you never un-have a 4some
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
