Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
