I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Panties = found
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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