She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
