I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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