just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
