Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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