Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
