We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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