New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
