you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just want to make out with him forever
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
