Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
