Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
