so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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