Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
