She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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