I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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