sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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